Monday, October 4, 2010
What can I say? @ 9:11 PM
Geog test postponed, thank goodness.
Had debate during ACE. Not baaaad :)
3E4 VS. 3A1. Syafa'at, Mariah and Sabran(sp) VS. Huda, Jasmine, me.
Sabran got six pack okay -winks-
Won the debate, I was so nervous, kept stuttering -.- Weijian say I sound like I wanna beat someone up. After that luch then lit. Lit super fun (Y) Did movie trailers. LOL at rosalind carrying shopping bags and my horses looking like sausages. Paired with Marie :)
Went to T1 with Sijing for awhile then bus with her and Nizam. N and me bus to Serangoon again :)
Lying. Keeping things from me. I know it might have seemed dumb to you all that I was crying. But all of you have gotten the reason wrong. I hate it when people lie. I hate it when people keep things from me. It only shows how much you trust me. Already expected it when I received your text in the morning. Braced myself for yet another disappointment. So many times and I've kept quiet. I just shut the fuck up and silently cry, so many times. What more can I say? Do you know how fucking bad it feels when you learnt that you've been lied to or to find out others have been keeping things from you? It feels goddamn bad. It happened so many times. Have you ever considered how I would feel about it? No. And dad, it's not even after brother's incident that our communication has got a problem. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. You were too blinded by everything to see it. This is how it has always been. You've only started noticing after that. A tad too slow no? Whatever it is, I don't see myself at fault. Call me stubborn, unreasonable, whatever. I don't really care anymore. You gave me so many reasons not to. And fuck my life, crying as I type this, what a loser. Sorry, I can never be that perfect child you want. Sorry, I can never let myself obey whatever you say and do whatever you wish I would do. Maybe you just don't know how fucking horrible it feels. You'll never understand me. Mom will never understand me. Nobody is ever going to.
Nizam, promise. Promise to keep forever okay? Ily bestf.
