Sunday, November 7, 2010
Exhausted. @ 1:25 AM
Hi, I really really feel like blogging. It's 1.28am now, and I have bridging tomorrow _l_
I am so troubled now. Extremely troubled. And I feel like skipping tomorrow's bridging.
How am I supposed to face you? It hurts somehow.
I'll talk update about what happened on saturday and today on the next post. They've been exciting, not wasted at all :)
I'll go to sleep(hopefully) after I finish this, I've been missing out on a lot of sleep man.
Day 15, the person I miss the most.
I miss my old grandma. The one that I knew how to communicate with.
Every time I fought with my mom, she'd understand. She'd side me.
I miss her bathing me, doing pretty hairstyles for me, cuddling me in the wee hours of the morning where I would stay up watching hello kitty, sailor moon and other cartoons.
I miss her bedroom. I miss her tenant Aunty Joy, I miss her smile. I miss how she listens to fei yu qing every single night. I miss how we watch charity shows together. I miss ri ben di yi.
I miss helping her bake, or tender plants, or buying her mee siam after my music classes, I still remember, mee siam with extra chilli.
I miss so many things, and so many things I've kept in my heart for so long. I've kept so many things inside. 8 years. It's not a short period of time. I miss everything. I do, I really do.
I still miss them. Even now. I miss them every single day. She's the only person I felt who truely loved me. And I miss that. I can't even communicate with her now.
Even though she's right beside me, I feel as though she's a world away. I can't reach her.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like now if she was still like how she was in the past. If I didn't fuck everything up like I always do. I still hope everyday, that she'll just get up and say 'HA! I was just kidding, I'm alright'. I've been wishing for 8 years, Eight fucking long years. And I'm still waiting.
But then again, eight years is nothing compared to the guilt I'll carry for the rest of my life. It was all my fault.
