Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Need you now. @ 10:20 PM
This post is gna be so crappy. I'm blogging on urge. The picture above is copyrighted Naomi's by the way. www.naomineo.blogspot.com Random girl I stalk LUL.
Today, my dad told me to pick out a new cupboard on Saturday because my old one broke. A while ago, he also told me he'd clear out the study room and turn it into my room before December since I was growing and needed my own space. But somehow, I don't feel elated. I just feel empty. I think I'm such a greedy person. After all this, I don't even feel the slightest bit of happiness. I'm too greedy.
I realise, I don't want a new cupboard. I don't need it.
I realise, I dont want a room to my own, I want to sleep in between my parents like how I used to when I was little. When I was young, I was afraid Chuckie would come in through the door and kill me, so dad slept on the side facing the door. When I was young, I was afraid Chuckie would climb up six floors and go through the window and kill me, so mom slept at the side facing the window. Yes I'm afraid of Chuckie la. My childhood horrors revolved around him due to my insensitive big brother who always scared my with Chuckie -.- I was and still AM terrified of big dolls. But that's not the point.
The point is that I felt so protected(K actually not really, the TV was directly in front of me and I was afraid Chuckie would jump out of it LOL).
I miss sitting on my dad's lap.
I miss him carrying me high on his shoulders.
I miss calling him daddy instead of dad.
I miss doing crazy stupid hairdos for my mom while she pretends to like it(in the picture LOL).
I miss my parents patting me off to sleep, or singing some stupid hokkien lullaby that actually works.
I miss asking my mom to play games with me and she'd reply, "You know I don't play games." but she'd play anyway.
I miss going to the market with my grandma.
I miss ganging up with my little brother to trick my mother into telling us she owed us a million dollars when she was sleeping. She still owes me a million dollars by the way ;)
I miss playing with my brothers, jumping on the bed until the springs came out(LITERALLY).
I miss baking, planting, sleeping with my Grandma. Everything.
I miss the swing that used to be inside our house.
I miss us fighting over the swing.
I missed days when bubblewrap and cardboard boxes could keep us occupied all day instead of phones, computers and Xbox/WII, etc.
I miss my mom tricking me into sweeping the whole house for a mere 10 cents.
I miss rolling around in the huge container.
I miss playing lao ah pek with my elder brother, and we would laugh like crazy and sing the lao ah pek song.
I miss A-ti-tu-tore and Alibabachickenman (inside joke).
I miss our favourite joke about the copycat "In the toilettt, in the toilet~"
I miss carrying my baby brother.
I miss calling my brother gor gor.
I miss my little brother crying 24/7.
I miss betting him 50 cents that he can't not cry once in a week.
I missed the time when going to the airport to fetch dad was a trip to look forward to.
I miss seeing my little brother have constipation on the little light green potty.
I miss so many things. I missed loving them the way I did, and being loved the way I was.
Though we weren't very well off, we didn't have much furniture, or a car. And dad(dy) wasn't at home sometimes because of his business trips, even missing some birthdays along the way, I still can't help but miss the past. Cause when I cried, or anyone who cried for that matter, there would always be someone there to give you a hug. Someone to wipe away the tears on your face and pick you up from the floor, high into the air and carry you in their arms and it'll be all better.
Looking at the pictures, somehow I can't believe this was anything near the family I have now. Maybe one day, we'll go back to how we were before. Maybe one day. Maybe. I'm so greedy. Greedy little bitch asking for so much LOL.
So yeah, I'm crying like a waterfall now LUL, and I really need to get work done. If you've read until here, thanks I love you :3
Goodnight.
