Friday, February 4, 2011
Suicide. @ 7:26 PM
Blogging almost everyday :) Went to mom's side yesterday. Seriously boring, camwhored a lot, watched tv and all. I got this sooo cute cousin! Like 3 years old probably? Idk. And the other one was really pretty :) And my aunt say I needed to grow taller ): But she say I sexy HAHA wtf.
Today my dad's side visited. Got angmoh and angmoh baby! But I didn't want to go out cause I wasn't properly attired la. Couldn't play with the baby ): So cute, I think like 1 years old only lor.
Tomorrow probably will go to Dad's ex-boss house, Zhen lao shi's party, then Aunty Cindy's party and out with Gillian. Haven't decided. I wanna see Sebastian, HE SO CUTE :3 I miss max -SIGH-
And also, haven't finished this, so long alr wtf. Cannot ban tu er fei. Must finish!
Day 23 - the last person you kissed.
No one. I don't kiss my parents either. I'm such an evil daughter right D:
I'm still left with:
Day 24 - the person that gave you your favorite memory.
Day 25 - the person you know that is going through the worst of times.
Day 26 - the last person you made a pinky promise to.
Day 27 - the friendliest person you knew for only one day.
Day 28 - someone that changed your life.
Day 29 - the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to.
Day 30 - your reflection in the mirror.
And suicide post and Japan post! I feel so mean for breaking my promises -SIGH-
Cannot let laziness get the best of me ): Ah okay la, shall do the suicide post now.
Suicide. Seriously, I have considered suicide before. Since i was really young in primary school. I have suicidal friends la. Like Kangying. She's really pretty but she had no friends back then and she always thought about suicide. Thank goodness we became friends. I hoped I did help to change her life for the better. She didn't talk about suicide anymore after we became friends. I hope she doesn't now either. We lost contact now, and I hope she's doing okay.
So yeah, I have thought about suicide before. Even now, I think of suicide almost everyday. So creepy right ._. Like when I'm waiting for the mrt, I'll think what'll happen if I jump down the tracks. Or when I'm walking home, I wonder what will happen if I jump down the canal thing. Or if I jump off the building. Or when I'm jaywalking the I just jump in front of a car. I think I'm such a scary person -.- BUT I'm not the only one. I refuse to believe I'm the only one who has thought about suicide. I bet you also lor *points to you reading* Guilty yet? :P
And I guess the main reasons why we think of suicide is that we feel worthless, like we don't mean anything to anyone, and maybe feeling that being dead is so much easier than being alive. Or we feel that only after we die, can people around us regret not treasuring us, sort of like a (stupid) revenge plot. Like how we think of our family and friends saying they regret not loving us more, how they forgot about us in the past and how they'd give anything to have us back.
I think that kind of love is fake. If you love someone, don't show it when they can't feel it anymore. Don't regret. I've also thought about suicide to spite my mom, so she'd regret and stuff(I'm mean, I know). But really, if you really die, where do you go. Will you really be happier? Is there really a heaven or hell? What will happen to the people you left behind? What will you really miss out?
If you're contemplating suicide remember all the good times. You're never gonna have it again. The next time you laugh, or even smile, remember that you won't ever feel it again. to me, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Like imagine last year, I remember I was damn depressed. If I really went to die at that point, I wouldn't have gotten to know and love so many people. Really.
And though i still think of suicide nowadays, there's one thing that keeps me from doing it. When I die, I'll look very very ugly. I can't imagine myself all bloody and eyes open and blood everywhere after being banged down by car/after jumping down a building. That's not the way I want to be remembered by. Disgusting lor. If I wanna die, I will die in the most painless and chio-looking way ever. I really thought about it before lor. Gas poisoning best way to die. I'm creepy right -.-
Seriously. I won't foam at my mouth, bleed, eyes opened or any other freaky look.
And I'm not saying suicide is bad. I have my life plan. I'm probably gonna commit suicide at 60 years old because it's gonna be sucky after that. Illness, abandanment by children, forever alone. So yeah, suicide is a personal thing but really if you want to die, think first. If you're thinking of suicide because you felt like you've hit rock bottom, there's nothing else in your life anymore, think again. rock bottom is the beautiful place to start. When you have nothing, you can't lose anymore. You can only gain. Why commit suicide if you will only gain? K wtf chim.
This post is turning out kind of crappy(not how i expected D:), so I shall end with a cartoon that will make you feel better :) I don't know what happened to the 2 missing floors la aiyo.
Click to enlarge, I have no idea why it's so small.
