"You're beautiful on the inside, and that's all that matters."



This is what everyone tells me. You want to know what I hear when
people say that?



"You're ugly on the outside. I'm feel so sorry for you but I can't
tell you directly. Life is going to suck for you, but you have to deal
with it I'm afraid. It's just how it is. No one can change that."



I'm afraid. I'm crying as I write this.



I'm really afraid.



I'm afraid of living in the world when I have to feel so insecure all
the time.



I'm just really really tired. Exhausted.



I don't want to be this way. I hate it.



I don't want to feel so bad about being me. I'm me. And yet I'm afraid
of staying me.



It's a lie when people say the personality matters most. Lies.



When you meet someone new, you know nothing about them. You judge them
by how they look. If you're ugly, they just won't bother to ger to
know you. Period.

It doesn't matter how nice you are. No one fucking
cares. No one fucking bothers taking the time to get to know you and
find out about it.



You are not important if you aren't pretty.



You're not worth it.



I'm so afraid. I'm scared. I'm terrified.



I can't live life this way.



I don't want to look around and see everyone get what I would die to
have. To have everything I ever wanted. To feel special. To feel like
I matter.



Do I?



I'm a mess. Crying and sobbing and all. Ridiculous no?



I look uglier when I cry. I should know that best.



Goodnight.