Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Decisions. @ 12:06 AM
Things that should be left behind.
Are you my real friend?
I feel used. The only time you even bother contacting me for is only when you need something. It could be money, or just any other things, small of big. Otherwise, I doubt you even need to think of me. I don't like feeling how non-existent I am because of you. I don't like to feel like I exist only because you need something from me. It's fucking annoying.
You can't keep promises. It hurts. It's frustrating. Every time you break a promise, even if it's just a small one, it hurts and my trust levels get even lower than it did before. I'm someone with already very horrible trust issues, and it's simply just grotesque to try to make it worse. Even when I tell you, don't promise, you won't do it in the end. You insist you will, you fucking, fucking insist and screw me all over again. You say I condemn you, but then, why not you give me a reason not to? Prove it to me. You never do that.
You make me feel like the villain though I clearly know I was never the one(not saying that you are). You never admit the fact that you're wrong.
You never ask me out, I've tried asking you out, and you always find a way to not make it. -points to paragraph 3- Aren't friends supposed to make some effort to maintain the friendship? I'm trying.
You make me feel like shit.
You don't care about me, you don't. Take for example, if people leave me out in a group, a real friend notices and does something about it. She either leaves the group to accompany you alone at the back, or she tries to include you in the group. It's bad enough if a 'real' friend doesn't notice that you're left out, but worse if she does and chooses to do nothing about it. Worst still, if you yourself are fucking trying to include yourself and she shrugs you off like you're nothing. Where's your conscience? Are you true? It happened repeatedly and it's honestly making me feel like you're not even a friend or even a good person anymore, but who am I to judge on this person who breaks promises and doesn't give a fuck and uses others, right? We're all human.
What I'm saying is, I don't need people who make me feel like crap in my life. I don't like to feel worthless. It's just bullshit, all of it. And to be honest, I'm not even doing any of the above, you've done to me, to you. I'm being fucking nice in my opinion. Maybe that's why people take me for a pushover and take me for granted. It's okay, just leave the crappy parts to Ariel. She'll face it, and she won't be mad, and best of all, she won't leave. She'll just stupidly stay until everyone fucks her over again. You know, she's just the ugly friend who's always hanging out with the pretty girls(not necessarily my clique) so they can use her, any way they like, and in return, she can stay. As you can tell, she doesn't even belong with pretty girls.
Well, I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time. Thank you for using me, people who have. Thank you for not caring about/for me or my feelings. Thank you for taking me for granted. If that's all I am to you, please, get out of my life, and I'll gladly do the same. I don't need 'friends' who make me feel so small, so small that I don't even feel like I can be seen, or even exist.
I don't need people like this in my life.
