Sunday, January 6, 2013
Like an Orange. @ 9:26 PM
I have not been blogging. I'm sorry. I just went through my formspring and realized a lot of people used to genuinely like my blog. I'm going to stop harping on how I used to have 700 over views every month because it's all gone now. I'm starting fresh. I have a private tumblr, but it's only open to some, or those who have magic stalking skills and have somehow found it. It's for personal purposes, because I'm not as I was before, writing whatever I want. I have to deal with the aftermath of emotions of others and it's just awkward. So a private tumblr allows me talk about things without people getting too personal about it.
To be honest, I have no feelings for this blog except memories whatsoever, but I'm going to be keeping it updated with thoughts I'd like to share, and they're most probably from my tumblr, but they will be something I wouldn't mind sharing with anyone who's on this site. Hopefully this might spark something in me. So that's all. Starting from zero views again, let's see how much of the world is actually interested in what's inside my head.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Look closer. @ 3:28 AM
When my mind goes, "They think they are so superior, they're just assholes. They haven't even seen the world yet, who do they think they are?" , "You are a sad person for thinking you are better than others because we're all the same."
Am I not doing the same thing and acting superior when I do that? What then, makes me so different from these people?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Fire @ 3:09 AM
It has been a month since I last posted. I was contemplating closing down this blog because I felt that I couldn't give good posts for my readers anymore. My readership had dropped by more than half, it's about 200 now. Sorry guys, I really am.
I used to give such quality ideas, thoughts and really just good things to blog about, not about my life, but about my thoughts. I guess I really lost passion here. It's mostly on my tumblr now, which is private anyway. I wanted to duplicate a copy every time I did a good post on tumblr and put it here but it just didn't feel right.
I promise I'll try to find that one thing I once had for this space. It means a lot to me. So much of me is in this place. I'll give good posts again.
Either way, updates about my life. I'm beginning to become a no-lifer in poly because the people I know are quite structured people. I've screwed up my examinations and probably will end up retaking at least one or two modules next year. But fuck it, it's the holiday now bitches. I've seen a lot in poly by the way, it made me think a lot as well. Also, I've been on a cold war with my mom for about 2 months now, we literally have not spoken. I can't think of more at the moment.
Promise I'll be back soon, with quality work.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
What were you? Happy. @ 3:09 AM
Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other.
And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say,
"You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree.
He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight."
And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said,
"Cut all the straight trees."
And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.
-Wristcutters
Friday, July 13, 2012
Lost. @ 2:31 PM
When I was younger, I used to believe that I would do something big in life.
And by 'something big in life', I didn't mean get rich, live in a bungalow, have a hot spouse and just live everyday doing nothing. Not the swimming in a bath tub full of money kind of 'big'. Like, I thought I'd be the one solving the poverty problem in Africa kind of big. I thought I would be the one who would help people who needed help. That was my mindset when I was younger.
I wanted to make people happy. I wanted to sing, I wanted people to hear me and feel something, feel relatable, feel happy, feel like they wanted to move their body and dance even if they look like an ostrich dancing.
I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to help people to study. I wanted to teach them ABC, even if the only people in my class were my brothers and a bunch of stuffed toys with small tables and chairs.
I wanted to be a Power Ranger. More specifically, the pink ranger.
I wanted to be a Pokemon. Charmander. So I could use my fire attacks and just have a laugh about it.
Heck, I even wanted to be a Taxi driver.
I had so many dreams. Today, I look at myself and just wonder, what happened to all that.
I remember in one of my first classes, we were told to introduce ourselves, if this course was our first choice, and what we wanted to go into, like our occupation and all that.
My whole class did it so easily. I waited for 19 people, to talk about themselves and be so sure of what they wanted to be, and even after these 19 people, when it was my turn, all I could say was, "I don't really know what I want to do when I graduate". I was so unsure, and it felt really bad, especially when everyone else already knew what they were working for. They were here for a reason, they wanted to do it for themselves, their dreams and goals, and all I was, was just that I was there in a room full of people.
So here I am, thinking about myself more clearly. I know I want to do things in life. I know. I want to have fun. I want to make a make people happy. I want to inspire people. I want to make people look at life differently. I want to make a difference in people's lives, even if it isn't big, even if it's a day to day thing, as long as I've made a difference.
But the thing is, I don't know how to go about it. In this time and age, it feels like no one can understand how to be happy anymore. It feels like no one even tries to be happy anymore. It's all full of responsibilities, rushing for everything because time never seems to be enough, and the only thing that seems to make people happy are good grades or a pay rise. I feel like I'm about to become a realistic person as well, and realistic people are never happy.
Like you know how you get an A, and your parents are 'happy'? I don't want that kind of happy. I want true happiness. That kind of happiness is so temporary, so unreliable.
I need a dream. Not only do I need one, I need a dream to make me happy. To have something to head towards. Something that has nothing to do with money. I need a simple dream. I have this friend, she's studying really hard to become a lawyer. Not because she's all about money, but because she wants to fight for her mother and help her mother. I admire that. It's a simple, and at the same time, such a noble dream.
I just need some clarity of what I have to do in the future to be happy, and it involves making other people truly happy as well.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Bottom. @ 12:16 AM
Yay for personal rant space that people actually still care about. Small rant. So, I'm super anti-christian, like the whole world should know. Everyone knows about the City Harvest Church thing, and it just irks me how some people can go, "So what if he embezzled money? It's our money, not yours anyway.".
There are so many things wrong in this sentence. By saying that, they mean that they are aware that their pastor has done wrong, and are defending his wrong actions. Yup, totally what Christians/Church/God/Jesus stands for right? Standing up for the wrong things. There's a really thick line between knowing what is right and wrong and blindly following your 'religious faith'. They are two separate matters. People, being people, should know when to differentiate between right and wrong. What about tell that to the freaking judge. Tell the judge not to prosecute your pastor, since it's your money. Bullshit.
When people do something wrong, they should be responsible for it. No point defending wrong actions. What are you trying to promote here? Are you trying to tell people that you can do whatever you want, even if it's wrong, just because you are Christian? People make mistakes sometimes, and these people aren't helping him at all by making these type of comments, if any, they are making it worse.
Okay. End of rant. Yay. School's been a bitch, but I'm anticipating my 2 month break. All the fun I can have. I'm really turning into a mundane person because of school. I am young and I should have fun. The end :D
Monday, July 2, 2012
Pink Dot. @ 12:29 AM
I know I haven't blogged properly in a while. I feel bad. Okay forget that. Anyway, I went for Pink Dot yesterday! If you don't know what Pink Dot is, it's an organization/event that happens every year, that fights for, as quoted, "The Freedom To Love". It's for the LGBT community and to show acceptance and love. I wanted to go last year, but I missed it, so I went this year instead, and I'll probably continue going in following years :)
If you want more information, just google. It was pretty awesome. This year was a night theme, and all of us needed pink lights, it was just lovely. I went with Teng, G, Min, Jing and Nizam! I was afraid it'll be awkward because even though they were my best friends, they didn't really know each other, but fuck, it was damn awesome, hah. I saw Tabs as well and met his best friend, Deirdre, she's so tall, or god, fucking jealous. The day was really really great. So, photos :) Some were from the Pink Dot website, and some from Teng, still waiting for some slow slow Simin! :)
Mei mei was sooooo annoying and cute oh god.
G's hair made me look like I had bangs! I was piggybacking her. Annoying brat :)
And finally, it was time to form the pink dot :D
Beautiful isn't it? I can't even express how glad I was to be there.
I even made a GIF out of the video PD uploaded :)
Pink Dot was just really awesome. Over 15 000 people went this year and it just makes me happy. Okay, so now, in all seriousness, it's time to tackle one of the 7 topics I've been wanting to talk about. LGBT.
If you've been reading my blog for a while now, you should already know that I'm nuts for supporting the rights of LGBT. I mean, what do I have to say? I have a few friends, and they are lesbians, gays, bisexuals, (no transgender yet though!) and to be honest, seeing them struggle to be themselves, face judgement, face hate from their family, their 'friends', and society, it sucks. They get hated, blamed, judged for being themselves. For being free. For doing what they want to do. For loving someone else. I'm glad that I can be one of the people rooting for them, and letting them know that they can do whatever the fuck they want to, to be happy.
If my little boy were to come home, and tell me he's in love with another boy, I want him to know that it's okay. I want him to not feel that it's wrong to love someone. I don't want people to discriminate him, to mock him, to hate him. I don't. I want him to be accepted as himself, I want him to be happy. If my little girl wants to be a boy, I'll tell her, alright, don't worry, I will always love you for who you are inside, instead of how you look outside. Isn't that how love is supposed to work?
We fall in love with people, not genders. People are beautiful. Because whatever we are on the outside, guess what? We are same on the inside. We all have blood flowing through out veins, we all have bones, feelings, and a heart to love. People often forget that. I once saw somewhere, that said, "There is only one race existent in this world, and that is the human race". We are the same, and we should be on the same side. I think people should just stop hating, or discriminating. If someone doesn't conform to your beliefs, fuck it. It's your beliefs, not theirs. Just leave everyone to be, and love people. Hate is a horrible, horrible thing to have, not only for others, but for yourself. No one should hate, and I feel sorry for people who hate more than the people that get hated.
At the end of the day, we are all people. We should just learn to accept one another and really just keep on loving. Love is really something I see society lacks, and I just want to see more happiness around. I might not be the best writer in the world, but I hope people see my point. I hope people can accept the LGBT community, but even if some simply cannot, I will not force them. I just want people to understand that it's not wrong to be ourselves. For me, I will continue supporting all movements of LGBT until I feel that fairness is sufficient to a point where my little help isn't needed anymore.
It's quite a short post, but it's really how I felt. So that's the end, I have classes early tomorrow. I enjoyed today with Tabs, and I should probably be heading off to bed now. I slept at 5.30am last night and woke up early today. See you guys next week!
