Thursday, November 25, 2010
I'm falling to pieces. @ 11:15 PM
I have a confession.
Every time I see a fat little girl, my mind says 'Enjoy your childhood now. Nothing's gonna be better than what you have now. When you grow up, you're gonna be ugly and fat. Then you'll be insecure, afraid, paranoid, and just really, really sad. No one's gonna love you. You're gonna look in the mirror everyday and just get so fed up. You're gonna be just like me.'
Then I start to feel sorry for this child, because she doesn't know that her future is just gonna be filled with hurt, insecurities, low self esteem, body images, jealousy.
Wow. I am such a horrible person. I can't help it but just think this way. My mind is just wired like that. And I could have only seen that girl for seconds and all this would have just automatically run through my head. I think way to much. Observe way too much too. Well, this is me I guess :)
Kay hi. I didn't sleep yesterday because my dumb brother told me his collection of results was 10am. In the end, it's 12pm. He went to play basketball in the school while I got locked out of the house and went to sleep at the void deck. NICE -.-
Dk which school he wanna go la, doubt he's coming to prss though. He got 206, better don't go to fail schools, go in guai guai then graduate with a gang of ah bengs HAHAHAHAH.
So yeah, went to Jiaying's house after that, super tired. Learned the SYF songs then went to play badminton! :D My Jiaying so cute heheheh :>
And I couldn't stop laughing when I found out Lukluklumbu is a Indian song, and the picture of the composer is ALL BLACK. like literally, can't see the features. Laugh shit.
Jy damn fascinated by my mom's Iphone la, super funny.
She sent me to bus stop then rushed to to change before meeting family at Newton and heading to Bukit Batok(I think) for dinner. YUMS :)
Happy Birthday Dad. Must learn not to be a old stubborn mean 47 year old man la :P
The train was damn crammed, cause of the rain and delays. Couldn't even move a finger. And like all the noise pollution from the loud talking of the cheena people and the air pollution coming from the bangla people, seriously, it was damn horrible. Yes, I am racist, face it.
Idk if I'm still staying over at Carnie's tomorrow :/ -SIGH-
If she doesn't reply Imma forget it and go shopping instead already. I'm running low on clothes cause I'm going out everyday ): and :)
And I need money. If not I'm gonna rob a bank real soon LOL.
You're perfect. You could have been. You're handsome. You've got a girlfriend. You've got parents that adore you. You've got great friends. You're smart, but just a tad lazy. You seem to be good at everything. But that's just it. You treat me like I'm nothing, which is something I don't get. With a life as perfect as yours, when you look at my life, shouldn't you want to treat me better? I admit you've been trying, but it's just me. I'm still stuck in the past. You know, it's hard to shine when you're the brightest star around. I want to be known as me, and not a person who's affiliated to you. What you have is everything I've ever wanted in life. Especially love, whether in kinship, friendship, or relationship wise. Do you know that you have everything? I'm hidden behind you. I feel invisible when you're around. I feel like nothing, as if I don't even exist sometimes. Throughout these years, I just can't feel any love from you. You're supposed to protect me right? But somehow, I feel like you're harming me instead. I feel like you're grabbing away all the love that was supposed to be given to me. And now, I just sound like a stupid selfish brat.
